Once Upon A Time There Was…

Once upon a time there was a girl called mandy and one day she asked her mom if they could go to the swimming pool her mom said yes so they went mandy’s mom stayed on the side while mandy went in and had a great time mandy was a good girl so there hadn’t been any arguments about putting her swimming trunks on another girl mandy knew had wanted to just wear her normal pants she had argude that knickers were just the same as swimming trunks and had been taken home by her mother but mandy was a good girl so she didn’t argue she just took her knickers off put her swimming trunks on and in no time she was in the pool she swam around for ages and ages suddenly she needed a poo and she asked her mother should i get out i need the bathroom no you will be getting out in 10 minutes her mother replied so mandy swam off now even girls fart and mandy was no exseption she farted and mandy laughed as she watched all the bubbles floating away but she soon stopped laughing as she realised she had pood herself the end

Being A teenager

When I was young I had a dream, all I wanted was to be a teen, but now I’m a teen I want to grow up, because the things I have to do totally suck, first I have to go to school, where the teachers treat me like a fool, then I have to do my work while looking at my teachers smirk, I also have work to take home, so I don’t have time to play on my phone, when I was younger I got run over by a car, so school work is harder for me by far, I got a brain injury and I’m blind, but most of the answers in math I can find, but I find my English really tough, I want to say to the teachers I’ve had enough, but that would be like soo i side they would give me detention, and I couldn’t hide, I can’t walk, I have a wheel chair, it isn’t really cool, it doesn’t fly through the air, it’s how I get around, a form of transport on the ground, I have to sit in the horrible gloom, of the stinky smelly disgusting class room.

This Day

I couldn’t be bothered playing on my phone, so things must have been bad

I miss her and Im very sad.

I didn’t like what she said today, about her having a weeks holiday. I don’t know why I feel this way, I just like her that’s all I can say, but then she started going on about next year, and I thought to myself will you both still be here, she has already said they’re both staying forever, whatever the time whatever the weather, I;m not sure how I feel about it, but when they were on about that I felt like shit.

Insight

I do really like you, and I don’t know why I treat you like I do.  I think sometimes you piss me off, and sometimes I’ve had enough, and sometimes its tough.  So maybe just try and put up with it with me treating you like shit, or if you could something about it that would be good too, because I feel really bad after hurting you.  I wish it was easy I wish I could stop, but it happens every time that I get pissed off, my life is really bad anyway, I feel really bad every day.

Awesome

You are awesome, you are great, You’re the person I most love and You’re the person I most hate.

About me

My life is a total mess, because sometimes I’m sad and nothing less, I was sad on and off yesterday and today, Is it true or is it just shit what she and everyone says.

No College

I don’t want to go to College tomorrow, to keep going week after week fills me with sorrow, Ive asked Grandma if for the next year I can stop doing my OT, but she said no to me. I would like to stop Physio until I leave College too, but that’s something else Grandma says I cant do, even worse I can’t poo.

Miss Her

Tell her I miss her, out of all my Support Workers she’s the one I prefer.  Lee was the best but he doesn’t work here anymore, but she explains stuff to me when I’m unsure, she is the best and I hope she will stay andevery one else can just go away.

Inside My Head

Bot Bot Bot

You’re an awesome person, you are my friend.  I hope you be with me right until the end. That singing was good you sounded better than ever, I love her but your not very clever.  I think your nice I like you a lot….bottom bottom bottom bot bot bot.

Frustrated

I like her I like her so much, I hope when she goes she will stay in touch.  I love her so much but I get frustrated, when she doesn’t get my books illustrated.  My poetry books and my stories, get them illustrated them all, you sometimes make me bang my head on the wall, but you are really nice and I like yoiur advice.  I love you yes I do.

Sincere

I started from the bottom and I keep dropping back to the bottom.  Its not rock bottom, but I feel really rotton.  Ive been at rock bottom before, of that I am sure.  I really want her to be here, I like her and I miss her even never been more sincere.

Heart Felt

I miss her, I want to see her, I really wish she was here, my heart is broke.  Do you vape or smoke, she is good, I really wish I could, see her, I wish she was here.

Poo

Poo tablets Poo tablets, need more more more, If I run out it will be the last straw.  My bowels wont open the way they should and that will be shit, it wouldn’t be good.

Better Guy

Life is Hard

My llfe is hard, I really like her, she is the one that I prefer., but I don’t like it when she says no.  When she does its horrible because she is so kind, so kind.  I don’t think Ill find anyone as nice with such good advice .  Vaping is really bad for you, but she does so I want to too.  If I was in her shoes and I was getting hurt then I would be shouting desert, desert, desert. I think I deserve misfortune and pain but I don’t want insults, I would rather have the cane.

This Week

I feel sad, very very bad.  I’ll see him before her and shes the one I prefer.  He comes Tuesdays and Mondays and she normally comes Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays.  He comes Fridays and Saturdays too, but who do I prefer I think you know who.  I prefer her I hope shes better on Wednesday, no smoking or vaping and hopefully she will be okay.

Shop

I felt sad and then I got bad.  She made me go to the shop, and my heart started to drop. She called me a selfish little shift, I don’t know if shes right about it.  When she asked me if I wanted to go in, I didn’t answer her, but to stay in the car is what I would prefer, she left me in the car with my Grandad.  We listened to Steve Wrights Sunday Love Songs whilst I felt sad.  When she put me in my chair before we set off, I had bad thoughts I got pissed off.  Pissed off with her for not coming today, they were bad thoughts bad thoughts were they. I know she couldn’t help it she is really unwell, I know sometimes Im really bad to her but being in a bad mood is like being in hell.

Bank

I don’t want him to come tomorrow, she isn’t coming my hearts full of sorrow.  She doesn’t normally come Mondays anyway, but Grandma said she was coming because it’s a Bank Holiday.  I know she would if she could, so she must be feeling shit, and I don’t feel happy about it. Grandma says that she’s  on the mend and I want her to get better because she is my friend.

Express

Poetry can express your feelings but it doesn’t change a thing, it will not change the way I feel or make me sing.  Crying  doesn’t make her come back since Boxing Day my liife has gone off track.  When im upset about her I just want to be alone, writing sad poetry on my phone.  But he is coming tomorrow, someone to talk to and go out with Grandma said, but I just want to be alone in stead.

Life

Argument

Sometimes I’m in love with her real bad, but I don’t want her to go or I’ll be really sad, Something happened last night for once it wasn’t an argument or a fight.  It was last night when I was in bed, when Grandma and her sister were listening to music that was suppose to be happy but it was annoying instead.  The 3^rd song that came on was about love, one of the lyrics was the only 1 I dream of…the song was crap but it made me sad about her.  I don’t know why and I cant remember what my thoughts were, I feel okay now, but to be honest I don’t know how.  I didn’t go to sleep until after 1.  New Years Eve when she listens to music all night is a pain in the bum.

FaceBook

Upset Her

One day there was a girl called Shame. This girl loved reading stories, she had millions of them in her bedroom some of the stories were about fairies and flowers but most of them were about pirates. She loved everything to do with pirates, treasure chests and parrots, she kept drawing parrots,maps with X marks the spot and then following them, she never found anything but that wasn’t very surprising as she just made up the directions and co-ordinates herself, she kept doing this every week never expecting to find anything, she just did it for something to do well. One day she found a treasure chest but before I can tell you about how she found a treasure chest I will start with the begining. One day Shame was in her room reading about pirates, it was a good story all about a pirate called captain bum fluff who loved sailing around the sea and finding treasure. Shame searched every weekend and she never found any treasure, but captain bum fluff kept finding it all the time in the back of this book however, there was a map, it had on it all the directions that captain bum fluff had just taken in this months adventure, but he had just taken the treasure. Shame was a very imaginative little girl and she thought that if there really was treasure and if these really were the directions that must mean captain bum fluff had taken it so she would have to wait until captain bum fluff didn’t find the treasure, but then she thought to herself what if he just keeps finding the treasure forever, she thought maybe if I look hard enough I can find the treasure chest before captain, so she went outside and searched, of course she didn’t have a treasure map because the next captain bum fluff adventure wasn’t out until next month and she hadn’t had time to draw one and write on it all the directions. She had important work to do and there was no time to lose, she just dashed out of the front door without grabbing her coat or even going for a wee which, was abit silly because she did need a wee, she wasn’t aware what a silly decision she had made until she was far away, but then when she was a few miles away from her house she stopped “oh no” she shouted “I forgot to go to the toilet what should I do? She had just held it for two hours and you might be thinking if she can hold it for two hours, two more will be no problem but now Shame was really desperate and she new she wouldn’t make it to her house – if you have ever been desperate for the toilet you will know it’s no laughing matter infact laughing really isn’t a good idea especially not if your as desperate as Shame was! Just then she was so desperate that she almost peed next to a wasps nest but she stopped herself in the nick of time, then she noticed a field. ” Maybe I could go in there” Shame thought to herself, she went inside and found a corner to pee in, she squatted and was just about to start peeing when she saw a man staring straight at her, quickly she held on, hitched up her trousers and ran, the man couldn’t believe what he had seen so he didn’t chase her and Shame got away unharmed but still busting for a wee . She didn’t see any more places where she could pee and she didn’t dare go in another field just incase there were any one else, she had got away that time because that man hadn’t believed what he saw but next time she might not be so lucky. Shame was so desperate for a wee by this time she was shivering even though it wasn’t cold. She had tried everything, she had tried peeing in a bin but alot of people kept coming and putting rubbish in it, she had tried peeing like a dog but instead of 4 legs Shame only had 2 and she couldn’t stand on 1 leg so she couldn’t lift her other one against the tree and any way, Shame loved nature so she didn’t want to kill all the beautiful flowers or disturb the birds by peeing everywhere so finally she decided just to try holding it until she got home. Shame new that she had more chance of becoming Queen of England than making it home in time but, she decided to try any way. She started running faster and faster – well it was more like waddling really because she was so desperate – but the thing is it’s really difficult to waddel for two miles, so after Shame had waddled a few metres she tripped over her feet and fell on her bottom. Shame burst in to tears because her bottom hurt but she was also desperate for a wee, if you remember so desperate infact that the smallest bump could be fatal, then she had fallen on her bottom, she had landed on the pavement which had bruised her behind and also made her bladder lose control. Even though Shame had known she was desperate, even she was surprised at how much wee came out, it came out and sprayed all inside her underwear and made them very wet. Shame was so upset her underwear was all wet and they were her best pair “oh no what shall I do now? my mum is bound to notice as soon as I get home” wailed Shame, then she had an idea it was a dangerous plan and Shame hesitated, but only for a minute. It was true that she loved nature and if she did the thing she was thinking of she would destroy the entire population of fish, but this was an emergancy so Shame went down towards the harbour, it was a long journey but it wasn’t that hard because this time she didn’t need a wee so, she walked and walked and walked until she reached the sea. Then she got changed behind a bush took, off her wet knickers and pulled her trouses back up then she stepped out from behind the bush and walked further towards the sea. She was just about to throw her wet knickers in when she saw a little wooden box laying abandoned over to one side. Shame picked it up eagerly, there was nothing in it but it would make a perfect hiding place for her wet underwear. She lifted the lid and put her underwear inside the box. She left it where it was and ran home. “Mum! Mum! I’m back” shouted Shame “where have you been?” grumbled her mother “oh! nowhere” replied Shame, mean while the box was moving – not exactly on it’s own – there were some pirates lifting it, one of them lifted the lid and noticed the pair of wet knickers inside….. shall I tell the others? or shall I not?….. thought the pirate to himself. He was the one that all the other pirates bullied and pushed around, it had started so long ago that no one could remember why they bullied him they just did, so Captain Driftwood – as he was called – wasn’t going to tell the other pirates that he’d found something, he just put the lid back on and left the box where it was. the end

Captain Farty pants saves the city of rhubarb

Part 1. Captain Farty Pants

Amealia was bored, she had nothing to do, she was with her favourite Grandma Louise but she was busy doing paper work and that kind of thing. It turned out she didn’t have that much to do because after half an hour Louise and Amelia started playing. Louise said “Amelia would you like me to read you my clients brilliant stories about Captain Farty Pants?”. “Oh yes”, replied Amelia eagerly. So Louise got out all 3 Captain Farty Pants stories that her client and very close friend had written. Louise regarded all of her clients as her friends, but this one who’s name must be protected as he is the awesomest person in the galaxy… well this one was the nicest, kindest, friendliest person Louise had ever met. Louise got the first Captain Farty Pants story “Captain Farty Pants and the Evil Monster from Hell” and after she had finished that one she went on to “Captain Farty Pants saves the City of Rubarb” and then ” Captain Farty Pants and the Tinfoil Ball of Doom”. Amelia liked them all, there were some really funny bits in all of them. After Louise had finished she said to Amelia “my client wants to do a Captain Farty Pants novel, but he can’t think of enough ideas”. ” I’ve got an idea” shouted Amelia suddenly, “I’ll come up with some ideas Grandma, can I borrow your video camera?”. “Yes if you want to, but what do you want it for?”. “I’ve just had an idea!” replied Amelia and before Louise could ask any more questions Amelia got the video camera and went to her room, she put the camara down on top of some books and then she got her teddybears and fairy dolls and everything, then she switched the camera on and started acting. Amelia was Captain Farty Pants and she had to save the fairies from the evil teddybear monsters. The fairies couldn’t save themselves because the evil teddybear chief had taken there wands away so they had no magic. The fairies were afraid, one of them Amealia didn’t bother giving them names one of the fairies wet herself, if she could have used magic she could have magiced herself some clean underwear but she didn’t have her wand and the evil teddybears wouldn’t let her change . The fairies were in despair, but then here comes Captain Farty Pants leaping forward and grabbing her fairy doll. The evil teddybears came forward and tried to grab the fairies back, but Captain Farty Pants just farted in there faces and they fell back trying not to inhail the aroma. Captain Farty Pants and the fairies escaped and Captain Farty Pants gave the fairy that had wet herself some clean underwear then Amelia turned the video camera off. That was an awesome film she told her fairy dolls then she showed it to Louise. Louise burned it to a CD and the next day she took it to work to show her client.

Part 2 Charlie Stinky Butt

Amelia thought to herself ….that film I did yesterday was easier than I expected, what if I try to do a story today, I just need a really good title…. she had a chat with one of her fairy dolls. Amelia always chatted to her toys and together they came up with the title “Charley Stinky Butt” Amelia got some paper and started writing. One day in a galaxy far far away there was a boy called Charley. Now Charley was quite a normal boy apart from one thing he was really really really disgusting. He peed in the flower bed, he peed on the floor of the boys toilets at school and sometimes in the girls toilets as well. He farted quite alot, he farted in the shops, in the class room and everywhere and he did other stuff that I don’t want to think about or I’ll be sick. Charley Stinky Butt was everybodies nickname for Charley, even the teachers called him Charley Stinky Butt and every time they had an assembley the Head Master said ” Can Charley Stinky Butt come down to my ofifice after assembley”. That happened every single day, everyone knew that Charley was the one that peed on the floor of the boys and the girls toilets and Charley peed on the floor every time he went to the toilet. One day when Charley was summond to the Head Master’s office Charley noticed the Head Master looked a little green, “I’ve got a delicate stomach today!” the Head Master said “so please don’t do nothing disgusting!” Charley had an idea . “Sir, I need a wee” and he weed on the floor, “Charley” the Head Master shouted. Charley wasn’t listening he farted loudly, the Head Master threw up but Charley didn’t care, he ran to the window, opened it and climbed through it. He dashed home then got some clean underwear out of his drawer or rather cleaner underwear, none of his underwear were 100% clean. He didn’t go back to school that day because his plan had been to escape from school after weeing on the floor of the Head Master’s office. Just as he had suspected a letter arrived from the Head Master it said “Charley Stinky Butt you are expelled”. Charley was so happy he farted. His Mum stared at him, ” I think you may have pood your pants again” she said . “Yeah I think your right!” said Charley and he ran to his bedroom. ” Your butt stinks!” his mum shouted after him. The End. Amelia reads her story to her fairy dolls, they think it’s awesome and the Fairy God Mother suggests maybe you should show it to your Grandma? . “Yes I’ll do that right now” said Amelia, she ran out of the room and found Louise she showed her the story Louise said ” That story is awesome, can I take it to work to show my client?”. “Yes you can” replied Amelia, “I bet he will love it!” shouted Louise.

The End

The head master of Pranoner High School was fed up, no one would do what he said even when he
shouted at the top of his voice, his secretary just stuck her fingers in her ears or preteneded to have
a coughing fit or something. The Headmaster was so upset he had forgotten his own name, he sank
down into his armchair and lit his pipe, suddenly there was a knock on the door”Come in” boomed
the Headmaster, the door opened and in walked in James and Jack who were two of the cleverest
and also the naughtiest boys at Pranoner High school. “Hi sir” said James in the same type of voice
he used to talk to his friends “What do you both want?” asked the Headmast
“Well sir we’ve got something to show you” James pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and
held it out for the Headmaster, the Headmaster grabbed it and it read as follows:-
Mary Manksom Rhubarb was fed up, the city of Custard was annoying her, the people all thought it
was funny that the city of Rhubarb and the city of Custard was practicly next door to each other and
no one knew what to do, hwever, a few days later Mary Manksom Rhubarab summoned everyone
together for a meeting – well tried to anyway by blowing the rhubarb bugel as she called it or the
stick of rhubarb with holes in it as everyone else called it!. – This bugel consisted of a stick of
rhurbarb with holes in it and this stick of rhubarb is what Mary would use every time she wanted to
talk to the whole population of Rhubarb City, when blowing into this stick of rhubarb newver woked
Mary Manksom Rhubarb would shout, she had a very loud voice so every one in Ruhbarb City always
heard her and sometimes her shout was so loud that Mary Manksomes Great, great, great, great,
great, great, great, great, great grandchilden could hear it in a different dimension, so when the
stick of rhubarb failed again Mary Manksom Rhubarb shouted at the top of her very loud voice and
of cause eneryone in Rhubarb City heard her and came running to see what Mary Manksome
Rhubarb wanted. As soon as everyone heard Mary Manksoms request they were angry at Mary
Manksome Rhubarb had brough them altogether and started messing them about or so. Everyone
thought her suggestion was just ludicrous and everyone though she must have gone bananas. Mary
Manksome Rhubarb had brought everyone together to tell them she was going to build a wall
between their city and the city of Custard next door. Mary Manksome Rhubarb said this would stop
them from picking on the city of Rhubarb which they were always doing at every opportunity, but
not anymore. Mary Manksome Rhubarb was going to build a wall and she said this would stop the
people of Custard in theory, everyone else thought it was a great idea but then Mary Manksome
Rhubarb continued “in order to make room to build this massive wall, Mary Maksome Rhubarb
along with a few volunteers would have to chop down the rhubarb trees which grew in the exact
place Mary Manksome Rhubarb planned to build the wall. Mary Manksome Rhubarb was going to
build the wall with a few people to help, she was’nt going to waste time getting builders and all that
because that would have taken too long and Mary Manksome Rhubarb wanted the wall built as soon
as possible. Mary Manksome Rhubarb was so excited by now that she had started to dribble, infact
she had been dribbling for the last 5 minutes, there was now a pool at Mary Manksomes feet, a sea
of spittlal and it wasn’t a small stream or even a river it was similar to the pacific ocean but made
entirely out of of Mary Manksomes spittal. Mary Manksome Rhubarb was so excited she was having
an awesome day dream about her massive wall and she hadn’t even noticed the river of spittal. As
soon as she snapped out of her day dream she started barking orders at all the people or as she
called them her rhubarb faced minions “Right everyone get building or else” everyone was afraid fo
Mary Manksome Rhubarb they efficiently made plans to start buidling the wall, first they would have
to chop down all the rhubarb trees which no one really wanted to do but they had to or who knew
what Mary Manksome Rhubarb would do to them “Well lets get on with it” one of the citizens of

Rhubarb City mumbled more to himself than anyone else and they were just about to start building
when something flew over their heads, a moment later the men identifide it as a human because he
landed on 2 feet, to the surprise of everyone all the men thought it might be a magical creature like
a dranon, one man though it was a flying horse until it landed and everyone saw it was a ma. The
man straightened himself up and shouted “I am Captain Farty Pants and I’m here to save you, what
exactly is the trouble?”
“Well we’re not really in any trouble” whispered one of the men
“But you must be” shouted Captain Farty Pants”
“Well not really” whispered the same man dropping his voice, even lower so that Mary Manksome
Rhubarb wouldn’t hear as he continued “But Mary Manksome Rhubarb over there is forcing us to
chop down the rhubarb treets which is our only source of food in the entire city, can you help us?
“Just leave it to me I’ll get her” shouted Captain Farty Pants a little too loudly for everyones liking,
luckily Mary Manksome Rhubarb didn’t hear him so Captain Farty Pants sneeks up behind her
without her hearing him and then he waited for a few minutes before farting really loudly so loudly
infact that everyone put their hands over their ears and it was so stinky that every one almost died
but luckily every one was standing back quite a bit so no one died, however, Mary Manksome
Rhubarb was standing right in front of him. Mary Manksome Rhubarb was shouting at every one
when Captain Farty Pants farted, she looked around at every one and asked “Who was that?” she
had a disgusted look on her face, in another minute this look turned to a look of horror as the smell
hit her, she threw herself on her face which wouldn’t have been so bad if the pacific ocean made of
her own spittal wasn’t at Mary Manksom Rhubarb’s feet, she drowned in her own dribble and every
one cheered “Hurray for Captain Farty Pants” they all shouted. Captain Farty Pants smiled and
bowed “happy to help” he said before flying off the end.

The Headmaster finished reading and turned red with fury “What is this?” he boomed “This is
disgraceful and you boys will be punished”
“Oh no they won’t” yelled a weird looking man coming through the window, when he stood in front
of them the Headmaster could see that he didn’t look weird after all, he had just flown through the
window which admittedly is not something you see everyday and if you ever did see a man flyng
through you would too think it was weird
“I am Captain Farty Pants” said the man interuppting the Headmaster’s thoughts “and I am here to
save these 2 boys from you clutches”, before the Headmaster could object Captain Farty Pants
scooped up Jack and James and flew away with them.

The end

I woke up one day and jumped out of bed. I brushed my teeth and hunted for my socks. I went
downstairs for my breakfast of porridge. When I had finished my friends came over and we decided
to go to the park. We went to Batley park and I went on the roundabout. When I came off I felt dizzy
and my eyes were spinning around like windmills. We walked for ages until our legs ached. Suddenly
a light appeared in the distance and it came nearer and nearer. Until it was right in front of us! It was
a big black spider!” The spider grabbed my arm and tried to pull me along with it. My friends yelled
and tugged on my other arm but the spider was stronger as it was winning. The spider pulled me on
with it and pulled me out of my friends clutches, almost wrenching my arm out of its socket. It crept
off with me back to its home which was a spiders web and the address was No. 2 Man eating Spider
Gardens. The hairy beast dragged me inside. I had a dreadful foreboding feeling. My friends
suddenly burst in . They were dressed in cowboy outfits with pistols and swords. “Let him go!” one
of them shouted. Their chin was up in defiance. He waved his sword fiercely . The others followed
his action. The spider dropped me in fear and before he could grab me, I stood up and ran! My
friend held my hand so the spider couldn’t nab me. We decided to go home just in case there were
any more man eating spiders to catch us. At last we arrived home.

Part 1 – Not Quite

One day I went to school and there was a new girl in my class. I was informed by Mrs Chocolate face that the new girl was called Anne. I tried to hide my disappointment, she was like an angel sent from heaven, the brightest happiest girl in the world, but Anne was such a weird name, even so I knew she had to be mine. I asked Mrs Chocolate face if I could look after the new girl, I couldn’t bring myself to speak such a stupid name. Mrs Chocolate face nodded anyway and I walked over to Anne’s desk. I sat down next to her, Anne put up her hand and asked to go to the toilet, as she got up I groaned it was painful to see her walk out the door. I knew she would come back in a few minutes but the next few minutes seemed to last several Century’s. At last the angel came through the door and sat down next to me. I could smell a horrible smell, it was smoke and it was coming from Anne! I said to myself this can only mean one thing Anne was a smoker. Anne was going down in my estimation, she had a stupid name and she smoked this was just terrible but it was about to get even worse.

Part 2 Tribute Band

Anne has now been here seven months, she still smokes every break time,I see her smoking cigerettes like there’s no tomorrow. Everytime I see her smoking it’s like a dagger through my heart, but even worse than that she’s started a tribute band called Mr. Bungle! – first of all she can’t call it Mr. Bungle because the original band is called Mr. Bungle and second of all I don’t like Mr. Bungle and, as if that isn’t enough Anne has done some Mr. Bungle albums and tribute bands aren’t allowed to do albums! – Anne is a nightmare.

Part 3 Your Albums Rubbish

“Your albums are rubbish” I shouted at Anne. Anne shouted back at me, “My albums are awesome”! Bungle in the Jungle is in the top 300 best albums in the world so there!” and she broke wind loudly, the fact that she had just farted really got to me, I turned and stormed off, “she’s not my angel sent from heaven after all”.

The End

Pro Log :-Princess farty pants loved farting all day and all night, she would fart and stink up the place. If she was in bed she would fart all night she even farted in her sleep and a few times the Queen had had to change her daughter bedding in the morning.

Part One:- I like farting

One day Princess farty pants was farting. Her Mother and Father kept telling her to stop but Princess farty pants didn’t listen, “I like farting!” she kept shouting, “Yes dear we know” the Queen shouted – after she had said this for the millionth time, “but maybe you should stop now it’s been almost 5 hours since we last had any peace and quiet around here! you have been farting for 4 and half hours and you haven’t even been to the toilet!” “Yes I have Mum” “Have you? tell me when did you last go to the toilet?” the Queen asked, “About 5 or 6 hours ago, I think?” replied the Princess vaguely, “Well now I demand that you go to the toilet!” shouted the Queen sternly, “Do I have to? asked the Princess farty pants, “Yes you stink your knickers might need washing again!” shouted the Queen, “Okay Mum” replied the Princess meekly and made a dash for the nearest bathroom. She sat down on the toilet and relaxed, she had needed the toilet but she had been too busy farting to go for a wee, so she had a wee and then got up, pulled up her pants and went to find the Queen. When she found her Mum, Princess farty pants said “I’ve just had a wee, are you happy now?” “That’s nice dear” replied the Queen, “Well it’s time for bed now dear”, “Okay Mum see you in the morning” said Princess farty pants, “goodnight my darling daughter ” replied the Queen. When Princess farty pants were in bed she started farting, she loved night time because she could fart as much as she wanted and no one shouted at her. So she farted again and again she kept farting until midnight and then she fell asleep and farted some more. When the Queen came in in the morning Princess farty pants was still farting, the room was really stinky and the Queen had to spray some air freshener. ” This room still stinks really bad” said Princess farty pants, “Yes it does” replied the Queen, “Maybe you should get dressed quickly and we can go downstairs “, “Okay Mum!” then the Queen went away while Princess farty pants got changed and went to the toilet, after she had finished she flushed, washed her hands and went back to her bedroom. She rumaged in her wardrobe for a pair of underwear. The pair she had worn the other day were in the wash after her 4 and half hour farting session, because they were stinky and some of her other pairs were in the wash after some of her previous farting sessions had not gone to plan. That didn’t happen so much lately when she was farting but it had happened before, it still happened sometimes in bed because she farted all night and sometimes it turned out not to be just farting! sometimes she farted and thought I’ve pooed my pants but then a few times she had farted thought I’ve just started pooing and ran to the bathroom. Princess farty pants looked into the wardrobe and pulled out a pair of clean knickers, she put them on and pulled her trousers up. She went down to breakfast, farting as she went. She farted her way down the stairs and then farted her way into the kitchen. The Princess farted “Hello” to her Mother, the Queen was reading the news paper, “My bottom just said hello to you mum!” said Princess farty pants, “Hello Princess farty pants’s bottom!” replied the Queen. Princess farty pants smiled and sat down at the table. As she was eating her breakfast she farted, it was really loud and really stinky it some how sounded different than normal, louder and wetter. “I can see I’m going to have to wash that chair your sitting on!” joked the Queen, “Yes I think you might have to” replied Princess farty pants….” and also my knickers too!”

Part 2 I need the toilet!

Princess farty pants jumped up from her seat…” I need the toilet” she shouted. ” You better hurry it stinks in here already, I think you may have just started” said the Queen, but by the time she had finished speaking Princess farty pants was flushing the toilet. When she pulled her pants down she found she had just started pooing, so she just sat down on the toilet and pooed, but then when she had finished she went into her bedroom. She found she had no clean underwear. She shouted her Mum and the Queen said “You can have some of mine”. “Thanks Mum but won’t they be a bit well, you know big!”. “Well yes maybe a little, but have you got a better idea?” The Princess farted to help her think, but not even her bottom could think of anything, so in the end Princess farty pants had to wear her Mum’s knickers. They were nice and clean but of course they didn’t remain so after Princess farty pants put them on. In two hours she had them just as stinky as her other pairs, in two days they were even stinkier, in two weeks they were four times stinkier and in two months they were in a right state!! Princess farty pants always farted more when it was her Birthday and her Birthday had just gone. What had happened is this Princess farty pants had been farting louder and longer, suddenly she had sneezed, tipped over, face planted the floor, farting pooing and splitting both her trousers and knickers in the process. The Queen came in and saw Princess farty pants lying on her front, on the floor, her knickers had split so the Queen could see her bare bottom. Princess farty pants shouted “Mum can you help me, I’m stuck. I’ve just sneezed, farted and pooed at the same time and my knickers have split!”…. “So I see” replied the Queen helping her daughter to her feet. “That’s better” sighed Princess farty pants. “I think you better change now daughter, your very stinky!” said the Queen – in a kind voice. “Yes your right Mum, but first can I go to the toilet I need a wee”. “Alright but be quick” . Princess farty pants wasn’t quick, she hadn’t been for a wee for about 12 hours but she was only on the toilet 5 minuets so it wasn’t that long after all”. The Queen gave Princess farty pants another pair of her knickers because her knickers were still in the wash. Some of them Princess farty pants had been farting in for days on end so they still needed washing, “Now please don’t ruin this pair of knickers too soon”, pleaded the Queen…” I’ll try not to”, promised Princess farty pants “and you’ll try as well won’t you?” Princess farty pants asked her bottom, the wettest fart the Queen had ever heard came out of Princess farty pants’s bottom, she looked at Princess farty pants anxiously…”No it’s alright I haven’t pooed!” laughed princess farty pants , “oh good” sighed the Queen in relief!

The End

Prolog

Jenny was popular. Every body liked her she had alot of friends, she went to the best school ever. The children were friendly and the teachers were not too strict. Jenny and most of her friends liked punk music one of her friends liked NOFX but didn’t like Green Day, this friend was called Charlotte and she had a lisp. One day Charlotte and Jenny had been having an argument about who was better NOFX or Green Day and Charlotte had said NOFX is real punk. One of they’re other friends had over heard and asked what is Wheel Punk? this had made Charlotte laugh because even she found her lisp funny. After that, Wheel Punk had been there catchphrase, someone had even made a bandana out of a black sock and written Wheel Punk on it in white letters.

Part 1 Everything has changed.

Jenny is a rock chick she lives alone. Her parents are dead and she has no other friends. Jenny pretended she didn’t care, but the truth was she did! She had had so many friends at school but now she was 23, she had a part time job as a dinner lady, you might think that the children would be friends with her but they didn’t speak to her much, they just ordered there lunch and then went off to sit with their friends. Jenny found it almost as lonely as being at home, there were more people at school but none of them spoke to her very much. Being at home was actually a bit better, even though there were no people, because she could look in her wardrobe and put on some of her favourite clothes. Black was her favourite colour, black skirts, dresses and even knickers they were all black and she selected some of them and put them on one day. When Jenny got back home after serving up the childrens lunches she saw a letter on the door mat, Jenny was so supprised, she almost fell over. She hadn’t had a letter since she was a young girl and she didn’t know who could be writing to her. First she went to her bedroom to change into some black clothes and then she opened up the letter and read as follows:- “Dear Jenny I am your sister Wendy, I regret to inform you that your other sister has recently died. It was very sad, we don’t know what she died of and she will be sadly missed. I was actually writing to invite you to my birthday party, it’s in a few days time at my home in Sidney. It would be awesome if you can come I haven’t seen you since we were very little so I hope you can come to this party, I would really like to see you. Love from Wendy”. Jenny stopped reading and stared, she had a sister, a really live sister how? a sister she couldn’t remember infact she didn’t even know she had a sister. She was frozen to the spot for ages but eventully she had to unfreeze her legs and walk out of the room. She still couldn’t believe it, her head was spinning and her legs were wobbly but she needed a wee so she had to go to the bathroom, she walked along the corridor but then just as she was about to walk up the stairs she stopped then she farted really loudly! Jenny had really stinky farts, she called them cabbage trumps but despite the truly horrible stink Jenny laughed, she laughed so much she wet her knickers. Just then she saw a glow in the air. “Whats that” she said to herself even though she had wet herself, she stayed where she was as she wanted to know what the glow was, it wasn’t the sun because this glow was black and white. A few minutes later it turned orange and then there was a flash and a young girl appeared in the air. Jenny was so surprised that if she hadn’t of wet herself already she would have wet herself right the. “Hello” said the weird looking girl …”h….h…h hello” stammered Jenny “who are you?”said Jenny, “I am the punkie pixie!” the girl said. “Your a pixie?” asked jenny in a shocked voice, ” a punkie pixie” she replied ” a punkie pixie whats that?” asked jenny. “Well I’m a pixie and I am the reason that awesome music like punk exists, it’s also thanks to me that grunge isn’t dead!” “That’s awesome! it’s all because of you that my favourite genres ,punk and grunge exist”. Yes Jenny it is ” “How do you know my name?” asked Jenny, “I’ll get to that later” said the punkie pixie. “The real reason I came was to transport you to Australia!”. “Okay” said Jenny – pretending to understand – “I just need to go and change I had abit of an accident”. “Yes I can smell you” said the punkie pixie wrinkling her nose. “No that smell isn’t what you think it is!” “Okay” replied the punkie pixie impatiently, “just go upstairs and change”. “Okay” said Jenny in relief dashing up the stairs and into her bedroom she changed into some clean underwear and went downstairs to the punkie pixie. “I’m ready now” said Jenny, “lets go” replied the punkie pixie, she clicked her fingers and instantly Jenny started spinning through the air at lightening speed, almost at once she landed in Australia she gasped and if she had needed a wee she would have wet herself again, but she didn’t need a wee which was good because she had already ruined 1 pair of knickers that day. The next few hours wizzed passed in a blur and the next day, when she woke up she couldn’t remember a thing about the night before, which was a pity because she had met her sister for the first time in years and the party had been awesome, but Jenny didn’t remember any of that. She just woke up made her breakfast, dressed up as a rock chick and just went back to her normal life. A few days later she got an email it said “Dear Jenny I’m your punkie pixie I hope you enjoyed the party. Yours sincerely PP………. PS I’m also your sister! A few years ago I said to Wendy when I die I want to be a punkie pixie, Wendy laughed but I actually did become a punkie pixie”. When Jenny finished reading she started trying to remember the party but she couldn’t she said aloud “I can’t remember the party that totaly sucks!”.

Part 2 Finding out what happened.

Jenny the rock chick was sitting in her bedroom, she was thinking about her sister she had seen one of them but the weird thing was she couldn’t remember!. She tried so hard to remember just one thing about her sister but all she knew was that her name was Wendy. Jenny wouldn’t even know that if she hadn’t got that letter inviting her to the party, she hadn’t even seen the punkie pixie for ages, not since she had transported Jenny to Australia for the party that she couldn’t remember. Jenny was interrupted from her thoughts by a voice a female voice that said “Hi Jenny how are you?” Jenny almost jumped out of her skin but then she saw who it was. “Oh punkie pixie it’s you I almost wet myself!” “Sorry about that” apologised her punkie pixie. The punkie pixie didn’t have a name, she had once been Jenny’s sister but no one knew what her sister’s name was and the punkie pixie couldn’t remember what her name had been before she had died. She had reincarnated into this magical creature that made sure grunge wasn’t dead and kept punk alive and as Punkie as possible. Jenny just called her punkie pixie. The punkie pixie thought punkie pixie was a good name, sometimes Jenny called her punkie for short and punkie pixie was okay with that as well. “Whats up punkie?” asked Jenny “Well” punkie said, “I just thought I’d come round and see if you were ok? do you have any questions or is everything fine?” “Well” replied Jenny, “I’ve been wondering for ages, what happened to my sister?” “I don’t know, but we could find out, we could go to see one of my old school friends”. Jenny stared at the punkie pixie in astonishment “I thought you couldn’t remember anything about your previous life?”. “I can remember a few things” replied the punkie pixie, “I can’t remember what my name was or how I died but I can remember my school friends”. “So can we go and see her?” asked Jenny “is it a girl or a boy?”. “She’s a girl” replied the punkie pixie “lets go and see her” said the punkie pixie. “Maybe we should wait, it’s late and I’m tired, lets go tomorrow, you can sleep on my pillow if you like?” offered Jenny. “Thank you that’s very kind of you”. Twelve hours later……. “Jenny wake up” whispered the punkie pixie in Jenny’s ear. Jenny didn’t stir so the punkie pixie pulled a guitar out of nowhere, strummed on it and shouted “Jenny Jenny wake up wake up wake up!” and that did the trick, Jenny jumped out of bed, farted and shouted “lets go to see your friend”, “Okay replied the punkie pixie “but aren’t you going to say good morrning or eat your breakfast or brush your teeth?” , “Yes okay” groaned Jenny, but your my punkie pixie so can you speed it up? “Okay agreed the punkie pixie, she waved the enchanted guitar and Jenny’s teeth were suddenly clean and even though her tummy had been rumbleing with hunger when she woke up……but now she was full even though she hadn’t eaten anything! “Now lets go” said the punkie pixie. They eventually set off. The punkie pixie magicked a Unicorn up for Jenny who almost wet herself in suprise when she saw it, she dashed to the loo quickly and then when she came out of the bathroom she got on her Unicorn. The punkie pixie flew on to her shoulders and they canted off. Before Jenny knew what was happening the punkie pixie said “Where here!”. “What already” asked Jenny, “Yes where here!” suddenly a voice came out of nowhere “What would you like to know?” the punkie pixie replied “We would like to know how I died?”.. there was a pause and then the voice boomed ” Some boys used to bully you and one day they killed you for liking what they considered rubbish music!”. “How did they kill me?” gasped the punkie pixie in shock. “They lit a fire” the voice shouted… and then they lifted you up higher and higher and then they dropped you into the flames”. Jenny burst into tears and the punkie pixie tried to comfort her. Finally Jenny stopped crying and the voice continued….. “Jenny if you want your sister back then do what I say, go to the flames and once you are at the flames your punkie pixie friend will know what to do”. The punkie pixie nodded and turned to Jenny “lets go” and before Jenny could reply the punkie pixie flew off. Jenny hurried after her, “Where are we going?” Jenny shouted “Where going to the flames” shouted back the punkie pixie over her shoulder. “Whats that?” asked Jenny. “The flames your sister was dropped into, it all came back to me when my old school friend told me the first thing I did when I became a punkie pixie. I was making the fire everlasting with an everlasting spell”, the punkie pixie’s eyes suddenly lit up, “Here we are”, Jenny looked around and saw a bright orange light, she walked towards it and saw it was a massive fire. The flames were gargantuan and there was smoke and all sorts, the only thing there wasn’t was Jenny’s sister, Jenny burst into tears again, tears were streaming down her face and she couldn’t see a thing she didn’t even see the punkie pixie fly forward and into the flames. Jenny cried and cried and cried until she heard a voice that said “Hi Jenny whats the matter?” Jenny sniffed “I can’t see my sister”. “I am your sister!” the voice said. Jenny opened her eyes and wiped away her tears and saw her sister, she couldn’t believe it, she was so surprised, she almost wet herself but she just stopped herself in time. “Hi whats your name?” asked Jenny, “My name is punkie”, Jenny was even more surprised, now she really needed to get home or she really was going to wet herself, “Lets go home” said Jenny, “Okay yeah lets!” replied punkie “I’d love to see where you live”. Jenny showed punkie where her Unicorn was and they went home. As soon as they got home Jenny jumped off the Unicorn, trumped and rushed to the bathroom. Punkie dismounted and stared after her, “nice to meet you” she muttered under her breath then she wrinkled her nose, “Jenny’s trumps smell like cabbage” she said out loud. She started thinking that maybe Jenny wasn’t a very good sister after all, but then she just shrugged her shoulders, farted an even bigger fart than her sister had just farted and ran to the bathroom. She wasn’t sure where it was but she saw Jenny coming downstairs and she pointed punkie in the right direction, punkie thanked her and ran to the bathroom trumping all the way.

The End

i’ve been fighting in this war, for maybe a year i am not sure. at the beginning i thought that the fighting, was exciting. but now i want no more, my comrades dying is the last stroar. every day i am filled with fear, with all the bombs i hear. every bomb and shell, makes me convinst that i am in hell. all the dead boddies and blood, this definitely isn’t good. the bombs are dropping more and more, if i make it to the end of the war. i will be pleasantly supprised, but at the minute i am parrolised. parrolised with fear and fright, but i have still got to fight. or i will be shot for cowardess it’s better to die out here in the center of this mess. i’m going to die surrounded by dead boddies and blood, trying to fight with my head up high like a hero should.